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"A naked man arrested for indecent exposure in California was held at gunpoint – on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon.
At this point, you might be wondering exactly where a naked man might conceal a weapon. We can confirm that the most wince-inducing possibility you're thinking of is the correct one.
He had a screwdriver hidden in his anus.
The police were first called in El Cerrito, California, on Thursday morning after reports that a naked man was masturbating in public, lying against a tree stump.
After arresting the man, identified as John Sheehan, for his masturbatory fun, Sergeant Paul Keith was about to put the man in the back of his car – but first, he asked him if there was anything the police should know about.
The man responded that he was concealing a screwdriver in his anal cavity. Which was honest of him.
Understandably, the police were a unsure what to do about this situation. So naturally, they called the fire brigade.
History doesn't record what the fire fighters said - we're guessing it was something along the lines of 'why the hell did you just call us to remove screwdriver from a man's bottom?' – but they soon came to the decision that a hospital would probably be the best place to extract an anal screwdriver.
At this point, the man offered to take out the screwdriver himself.
El Cerrito police spokesman Detective Corporal Don Horgan said: 'When he heard what they were talking about he said, “Hey, don't worry about it. I can do it.”'
So, held at gunpoint in case he tried any funny business, Sheehan removed a six-inch long metal screwdriver wrapped in electrical tape.
Sheehan was subsequently taken to jail – from which he was out on parole – without offering an explanation of what the screwdriver had been doing up his anus."
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